“What is the best thing to do to make yourself happy?”

I think it is wrong for anyone to think they can answer this for you. Instead of telling you how to make yourself happy, I will answer your question by telling you what I did to leave behind my depression and find my own happiness.

Well… let me backup for a moment to talk about the difference between happiness and joy. It is like hope versus faith - both positive in nature, but one possesses a sense of security while the other does not. “I hope it works out!” is a statement that implies wishing. You wish for a good outcome, but acknowledge a lack of trust that it will when you hope for something. Having faith is jumping out of the airplane and trusting, no matter the outcome, that you will be okay.

Happiness is a temporary emotion. Something or someone can temporarily light you up, and you can call that “happiness”. Joy, however, is more satisfying and self-generated. Faith and joy are within your control, and I think that matters when you are asking how to make yourself feel better than you currently are.

I answered calls for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for over one year. Heartbroken from so many of the calls I received, I always aimed to say something during that call that would uplift that person for a longer period of time. I I wanted what I said to create sustainable happiness (and the emotional stability that comes with that) that lasted longer than our phone conversation. What I learned is that this can be done by reminding the person they have control - influence - over their emotional state. If they felt overwhelmed, they could put their hand on their stomach and focus on breathing for long enough until they realized that they controlled their emotional state. They eased their own way out of their anxiety. They helped themselves. Kind of like that “teach a man to fish” saying!

A lot of the time transitioning from sadness to happiness is as simple as changing your internal dialogue and the narrative of the situation that is impacting your mood. Change your relationship to that person, situation, or thing. Turn negative thoughts into positive ones. Turn the pessimistic voice in your head into an optimistic one. You are never going to be in control of external circumstances, but you will forever have the ability to control your inner experience of those circumstances. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) teaches us that in simple steps we can change our thoughts, and by doing so, change our lives. Just because the steps are simple does not mean this process is easy… but I will tell you honestly and confidently that it is worth it.

One more thing I think is worth mentioning: you have to love yourself enough to put effort into this process. It is a process. It is abnormal to find genuine joy and happiness overnight. Stick with it, though, and you will get there. I personally needed to start my journey to happiness by developing a better relationship with myself - to kick the bad self-loathing habit I wasn’t even aware I had developed over time. Sit with yourself. Talk to yourself like a friend you care about. Treat yourself like a friend you care about. If you notice this process to be intolerable like I did, that’s a big indication you need to start this process by learning how to love yourself, too.

Best of luck on your journey! You got this!